We cannot be honest. Ever. There is no place for honesty and sincerity. Why people ask questions if they cannot handle the answers? And why the double standards? What's up with that?
I'm so mad and frustrated. I'm mad at myself, how stupid I am. I should keep my mouth shut and my life to myself at all times.
Tears come to my eyes as I write this... I wish I could go back in time... and do it again.
you have no idea HOW MUCH. I didn't either.
Truth is, I can't really talk about it at this point. All I can say is that I've been expecting a positive answer since I heard about the possibility last Wednesday. It might come today... I'm only mentioning it because I'm so nervous and excited. Ok, ok, all I ask is that you think positively for me. Soon I'll tell you what it is all about, whether it happens or not.
What a mysterious post, huh?
I'm free...
I finally handed over my final paper after a long battle with myself. It's over. I'm graduated. This is my second graduation. I knew I would feel so lost after it. I have no idea how to move forward. I know what I want in life. But it's very hard for me to be honest about it as I know it's a crazy dream. There are other problems, of course. I have to think about money and this can make my dreams move further and further away. But I shouldn't give up, I don't think I should. I just feel so lost.
But something very nice happened since the last post. I finally met someone special. And believe me, he's something else. I never thought I could meet such a man, but I did. I'm at the moon right now, I think I haven't been in love in a very long time. Such a long time that I had forgotten how it felt like.
So I'm basicall lost and found at the same time. What a great year this will be.
This is the second image you get if you google "cranky". I had to laugh and add it.
I've been very down lately. And VERY cranky.
Is it Carnival? Is it the tourists everywhere? Is it the trash? The noise? The heat? The fact that I'm very anti social lately?
I don't know. Carnival must be helping. You see, I don't really like it. It's a punch in the stomach of my identity, but it really isnt't for me. And it's not that I'm getting old. I only remember liking Carnival when I was a very little child - 4 or 5 - because I loved throwing confetti and dressing up. Than later it was just a big bleh for me. I do appreciate the oficial Carnival Parade in Rio de Janeiro. It is quite stunning and a reflection of our culture. But... do I need to take part? can't I just watch some on TV? The street part of Carnival is so annoying. The traffic becomes even more confusing then normal, there are thousands of people on the streets, so many tourists... it's like 01:33 in the morning, I'm on the 9th floor and I can hear them downstairs on the street!!! I feel so much like an old lady. It's not really Carnival that is annoying me as much as my own annoyance annoying me, get it? LMAO! It's true! I'm annoying myself with my annoyance. Let people have fun! Why do you care?
But I do. lol And therefore cranky I am. Of course, the fact that I haven't finished my final paper yet (can you believe it?!) is also adding up. I'm here trying to write it... but I just can't do it. I have to, however. Friday is the limit and I'll be free. Yes. Free. Maybe a little too free. That's what is so scary. O_o
Also, this time of the year we get THOSE tourists. Well, it's confession time and I probably will go back to this theme many other times to clarify myself as I had to in real life when this issue was brought up. I don't like tourists. There. I said it. I don't. Naturally, I'm talking about a typical tourist. What a typical tourist actually is, is up for debate. For me there's a big difference between being a tourist and being a traveller , for starters. I don't know how to explain it here, in English and in concise form. But there is. I always felt that tourism had that touch of "the world is my personal backyard and let's enjoy it" that I don't appreciate.
If you come from a 3rd world country like me - ok, that term is just SO ridiculous, but let's stick to it for rhetoric's sake - listening to 1st world country - ok, ok, it's just rhetoric - tourists can be both a frutrating and entertaining experience. You know I speak 4 foreign languages which gives me the joy of understanding English, French, German and Japanese. Btw, I really don't get how the English speaking tourists don't notice that so many people can actually understand them! Many people don't, but so many do! I remember once having this guy talking about me in English right in front of my face! I had to laugh hysterically right back. Oh, the joys of awkwardness... Anyways, back to my rant. Where was I? Oh, yes. Language and tourists. Right. Well... sometimes I wish I had no ears, had never learned any language or had a better sense of humour. Having people criticizing my country in the most ignorant ways like this is their backyard - well, they do have a point, I have to say, still... - is really both annoying and humourous. Again, my sense of humour... I don't know. I think I left it somewhere...
Sometimes I answer back, sometimes I just look at them with those "wtf" eyes... (I have so many personal stories about this I hope to share someday) This year because of this forsaken paper I have't gone out a lot, so not much happened. Don't get me wrong. I always help tourists. I was helped many times abroad and I feel like I should do it. But when they say "Gracias" I think "Oh, God.... why?? Why nobody goes to Wikipedia before they go abroad? Help me!" Friend, if you are coming to Brazil DON'T SAY GRACIAS! Unless you are a native Spanish speaker; that is the only case where it's cool, hermano. Other than that, just forget about it. We hate it. And even if some of us don't care, some of us do *points at self*. It's like going to Latvia and saying "Spassiba" or going to Korea and say "Arigatou". Ok, these two examples are MUCH, MUCH worse (remember, DON'T DO IT!)... but still. "Thank you" in Portuguese doesn't even sound like Gracias. If you are a man you say "Obrigado", if you are a girl you say "Obrigada". There you go. It won't take any extra space in your brain and you can forget later after you drank too many caipirinhas to remember your own name.
Ok, enough ranting. Jeesh, Odna.. what an enourmously boring post!!! Stop now and go to bed, have some rest and calm down! you are driving me crazy.
Ar... those people in the dining room...
As I really like Youtube and watch many channels and videos something started to bother me. One day Youtube gave me one of its crazy suggestions. It was related to one of my favorite shows (would love to talk about those soon), in fact, it was a response to it. It was a video that was around 20 seconds long of this little girl saying incomprehensive stuff. I went to see her channel and it made me very worried.
I won't post her channel as that is not the objective of this post. Well, she is probably 10 or 11, in one video she claims to be 11. Nevertheless, she can't be more than 12. In her channel she posts "vlogs" of herself and most of her videos are not even a minute long. Of course, I didn't really watch any of them expect for one here she addresses people who "leave mean comments". In fact, a group of "I have absolutely nothing better to do or any real interests for that matter so I'm always bored" group of teenage girls posted a response video to that in which they make fun of the little girl. She then posted a video of her being sad.
Why I watched all this? I got seriously worried. I tried to find in the web articles or anything related to children having youtube channels. I found many about the quality of youtube for the children's audience... but none about children having youtube channels. I tried to contact youtube, but they are not very prepared to control channels only single videos (and that also to a certain extend). It reminded me of the infamous case of "Scott" (don't know if it's just an alias) a.k.a "Angry Homo Kid" whose Police intervention was necessary. It was a situation involving a probably 12 year old boy who made video blogs about one or two years ago. The most infamous of his vlogs is an angry response to trolls who call him "homo". Concerned people contacted the police in the U.S. and they were able to track him down. His parents were unware he had the channel. I'm trying to find a good and serious article I found about the case sometime ago, but can't find it. If you find it, let me know.
Anyways, back to the little girl. In another video I "watched" (not really, just went throw it) an adult shows up and apparently was unconcerned of what the girls was doing. I really think it might have been her dad.
I'm not one of these people who are too concerned and worried about children's "safety" (sometimes it's just pure exaggeration). But I wonder.... why people don't report this? Are more people talking about this issue? Is a 11 year old girl or boy ready for the over exposure of a video blog? This girl doesn't even have the articulation when talking, she really does talk like a kid. Is it wrong? Is it something parents should be aware? Should I be worried? Again, I'm not talking about videos with kids. I'm talking about kids who videoblog, who have their own channel.
I don't know. I was wondering you could help me think in a more deep way about this issue, especially the ones with kids, because, quiet frankly, it did disturb me a little.
I have many things to write about, but it's always hard once I reach the computer to do it. I always seem to lose the focus or the train of thought... oh, well..
Anyways, this Friday I went to see some friends and caught this very cute chat between two 4 year-old girls:
Girl 1: I have a secret to tell you...
Girl 2: Ok...
Girl 1: but you can't tell anyone!
Girl 2: I won't.
Girl 1 (whispering): My doll has two skirts!
Girl 2: Oh!
lol I had to fake I wasn't laughing so they didn't know I heard their really serious secret!
2010, 2010.... you are not starting well, honey. No, you are not. Put yourself together!
Haiti, anyone? Hello? What was that all about? Wasn't Haiti having a hard time already as it is? I know many people probably didn't know it before, but Brazilians have been in Haiti for a while trying to help the country out. At least 18 Brazilians soldiers and more 3 civilians died. Among them was the amazing Zilda Arns and diplomat Luiz Carlos da Costa.
I also found out this weekend that I only have two degrees of separation with a Brazilian soldier who was there, got injured and is now been treated here. He is the brother of a close friend of another close friend. I know it doesn't seem much, but to me it's weird to be only a few degrees of a lot of people who are suffering in such a dramatic manner.
On a personal level...
My aunt was in the hospital the past week. She has many heart related problems, but she is better now. She's only 52 and left us very worried.
My graduation ceremony is on Sunday. And I still didn't finish my paper. I have no idea what's wrong with me... Acutally, I do. I just don't want to make it public :P
I hope to write a little bit more here. I want to make it a habit in 2010. There are so many things bugging me lately and I notice I have... 10 followers! O_O Wow... I have to give you precious people something to read! Hehe :) Thanks Heather and Xena for being so active here and leaving very nice and interesting comments.
See you all soon!
p.s.: Remind me to tell you the hilariously annoying talk I had with an atheist last week. It was delightful.
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