Fading 2008

Hello to all! It's been a while, I know. And last post didn't have enough information to go on – I was mad about it. I have, however, written two posts. One about last post and another about last weekend. Sadly, I had problems with the internet and posting it. And then it was close to December 25th and I decided to leave them for either tomorrow or later. I wish all of you who celebrate it a Merry Christmas. I'll post about Christmas before January 6th, when all the decorations will be removed here in Brazil. I feel like I need to do it.

I know it is indeed cliché, but 2008 feels like it end as fast as the wind. This really scares me a lot. Time passes by so quickly and at the same time so much has happened to me. A year ago I was in Japan ready and at the new year I rang the bell at the Fushimi Inari Temple in Kyoto with my friends. I met so many people I know will stay in my life either forever or for a very long time, people I love. I met places, I made two dreams come true: go to Japan and to Korea. I also came back and I'm only a few steps from graduating and finally becoming a real adult.

2008 fades away... 2009 comes. I can't wait to see what happens.




Fushimi Inari, Kyoto, Japan

Friday, December 26, 2008

Is that really you?

I'm still confused really. I'm so confused I can't even talk about it, although it's still disturbing me. (It happened this Saturday)
I thought I knew her! I thought she was my friend! She shocked me... I'm in shock. Can I continue this relationship? Is it possible?

What would you do if you found out someone you liked, cared about, loved hanging out with is, in fact, racist? How would you react?

I'm still speechless...

Thursday, December 11, 2008

Freedom and Music

Freedom and Music

I can't believe it, it's over. Yes, it is. School now only in March.
It's a bittersweet kind of happiness. These will probably be my last summer vacations while in university. Next year, around this month, I'll be graduated and looking for a job or, if God permits, I'll already have one. Or I might be in Dubai. We never know for sure.
In the summer vacations I'll keep tutoring and, hopefully, I'll get a part-time job to earn some very necessary money. Things were never so hard around here. I mean... they've been. But I was too young back then and the impact of it was slightly different.
I also would like to finish cleaning up my room, give away many of my books, clothes etc. Write letters and email to dear ones and stop disappearing so much. I already disappear from people geographically close to me, imagine the ones who are far away? I also want to edit the movie we made in Japan. I just need some technical stuff and I'm set to start.
And write. I've been having a lot of inspiration for this blog, but very little courage to start hahaha. I also haven't written since I was too busy with school papers. A lot of things inside my mental rave. I've never been so outraged with life and people than now. I really need my sanity back. This weekend I heard some things which really enraged me. But I'll leave that for later.
Now it's “silly light stuff” time:

So... I love music. Many and many kinds of music. I always carry around my poor mp3 player which only has 256MB, but I love it and it's always with me. This week, in order to study and go back and forth from school, I changed the songs a little. Thing is, my mp3 player decides by itself which order the songs are going to be played in. So full of personality, the little thing! Order is Song name, singer/group/movie name and, if possible, a Youtube link so you can also check them out:

Ah, a friend just read my post in Portuguese and asked me if I could add country of origin and language spoken in the songs. Okie dokie.


1.(Take it easy) Oorvasi – Tamil movie Kadhalan. (India / Tamil)

2.Bir Tamshy Zhas – Rakhat Turlykhanov (Kazakhstan / Kazakh)

3.Eomeona! (어머나 ) - Jang Yoon Jeong (장윤정) (South Korea / Korean)

4.Kenjinakka – Tamil movie Ilavattam (India / Tamil)

5.Futaride osake wo (二人でお酒を) – Michiyo Asuza (梓みちよ) (Japan / Japanese)

6.Azëm – Rakhat Turlykhanov (Kazakhstan / Kazakh)

7.Pechalnaya – Valik Gryshko (Belarus / Russian or Belarussian?? I still don't know that and that's a problem I have with all the songs from my dear Valik Gryshko. I don't know in which language he sings. I feel silly >_< Can anyone help?)

8.Appadi Podu – Tamil movie Gilli (India / Tamil)

9.Didi tera devar deewana – Hindi movie Hum Aapke Hain Koun (India / Hindi)

10.Oh podu (also known by other names) – Tamil movie Gemini (India / Tamil)

11.Kannamoochi – Tamil movie Kandukondaen Kondukondaen. (India / Tamil) Yes, that's really Aishwarya Rai.

12.Song from a Tajik dance performance featured in Kabul some time ago (of course). I'd love to know more about it, but the information in Youtube, where I first heard it and got it from, is either in Farsi or Tajik and I can't read it :(. I love the dance too. (? / Persian?)

13.Dupatta tera – Hindi movie Partner (India / Hindi)

14.Husaine Husaine – Tamil movie Uyirile Kalanthathu (India / Tamil)

15.Bitaqat Hub – Samira Said (Morocco / Arabic)

16.Tugan yagim watanim – patriotic song from Tatarstan. (Russia, Tatarstan / Tatar) . I have a problem with patriotic songs, but this one is very beautiful and no lyrics about killing anybody like many nationalistic songs tend to be. =)

17.Iskelmä ja kesä – Tommi Soidinmäki (Finland / Finnish)

18.El leila doub – Mustafa Amar (Egypt / Arabic)

19.Kalloori vaanill – Tamil movie Pennin Manathai Thothu. (India / Tamil)

20.Avara – meyxana song from Aqşin Fateh and Elshen Xezer. (Azerbaijan / Azeri)

21.Solei – Valik Gryshko (Belarus / That problem already spoken about and not yet solved)

22.Krasavica ubitaya – Valik Grishko (Belarus / Op. cit.)

23.Çal oyna – Dilşad Musayev. (Azerbaijan / Azeri)

24.Tiffer – Ursula (Estonia / Estonian) Yeah, just kill me :P

25.I'll never be Maria Magdalena – Sandra (Germany / English)

26.I know Sella – Valik Gryshko. (Belarus / Op. cit.)

27.Kátia Flávia, Godiva do Irajá – Fausto Fawcett (Brazil / Portuguese)

28.Na vecherinke – Strelki (Russia / Russian)

29.Pegasus Genzou – Opening song for anime Saint Seiya

30.Ashwa – Natacha Atlas (hard to say... Belgium? Yeah. I'll stick with Belgium / Arabic)

31.Shubra – Natacha Atlas (Belgium /Arabic)

32.Umiyuki – Jero (ジェロ) (Well, the singer is from the U.S.A but the song is from Japan... so I label it USA & Japan / Japanese)

33.Tozainanboku Hitori Tabi (東西南北ひとり旅) – Jero (ジェロ) (USA & Japan / Japanese)


Later I comment on them. Of course not all my favs are here, it's only 256MB I'm allowed to carry. Some have to go and others come.

Talk to you guys soon! ^_^




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Monday, December 8, 2008

About annoying things

Writting is really a dangerous thing. One may read what another writes, but it's very difficult to tell if one is really understanding what the author meant. You can't read my ton of voice, nor my posture, nor my facial expressions. Besides, a lot of people don't know me, or don't know me well... Even I don't know me that well. So how can one know what am I really trying to say? I think that's a very hard thing to do. But leaving this pseudo-reflexion / paranoia aside for a moment, I'll post the list I made the other day. On this list I put the things that have been annoying me the most lately and that will most likely become the most frequent topics on this blog. It's not even complete. It was annoying me so much just by thinking about it that I couldn't go on hahahaha it's true! The list doesn't have a lot of comments on it, at least I tried not to do so or this post would be huge and so I can develop the topics as the blog goes on. There it goes:




- The problem some people have with Islam and the way Muslims are being judged, discriminated against, disrespected, misunderstood, etc. And what annoys me the most is that most people don't even try discussing the subject with Muslims nor bother to do any kind of serious deep research to understand the topic and they are already filled up with opinions and judgments! Not to mention the non-Muslims that rarely defend Muslims, leaving them alone to defend themselves... and there comes that annoying person “ah, you are only saying that because it's your religion”. Ar...

- Still kinda in the same subject, but it annoys me so much that I will put it as another topic on this list: the problem the West in general has with the Hijab (Islamic clothing). Oh, man... Wearing a veil or modest clothing is not a synonym of submission! What an over-simplification of things! I see on this subject a real lack of information and no effort at all in trying to understand things from another perspective. What about France banning Hijab from schools? Oh... I won't even start now... I need some air...

- By the way, I will add the problem the West has with religion in general. I think this is a very serious Freudian sexual issue that will only be solved through intense therapy.

- People not realizing that to understand something does not mean agreeing with it not even having to start doing whatever is in question. That's just not how it works.

- The amazing Brazilian low self-esteem which has as partner the a huge and blind pride. Both don't help at all. Brazil is not the worse place in the world (oh it REALLY isn't) and it's not the biggest wonder ever (oh it REALLY isn't). But the low self-esteem is the one which has been annoying me the most lately. You can't spend a day in this country of mine without this freaking annoying low self-esteem that usually disturbs a deeper, more detailed and realistic analyses of our problems and the solution for them.

- The non-hegemonic countries barely communicating with each other, specially lately. What is the problem? Is you leave in the backyards of the world you can only try to chat with the guys that live in that big house? Snap out of it, people! Let's stop this and start to talk more to each other, realize our problems and search for plausible solutions. There's a lot more on this topic, but this post is getting huge already.

- That we are still leaving in the 19th Century. Really. Many of the main thoughts of the 19th Century are still there partying in peoples minds like you can't believe. Man, this is so annoying.

- Nobody really wants to discuss anything. People just wanna talk blah blah blah. We have to discuss things and discuss them with people who don't agree with us without making a fight out of it. Exchanging ideas is essential, hard, but very important. And a silly Friday night bar conversation can show and develop a lot more than we realize.

- The everlasting problem of over-simplification. Example: you defend Muslims than suddenly people think you are against the State of Israel and if you defend Jews than from nowhere you pro the State of Israel. For Heavens sake!!! Things are not that simple!! The world is complex, things are complex and that's why it's so good to be alive otherwise it would just suck! However, it's not because it's complex that we have to stop trying to understand things. By the way, you can and should change your mind from time to time. It's good for the health.

- This one is silly, but it's so nerve wrecking to me: Those people who keep writing and saying “ah, I did this because I was bored / I had nothing to do”. Ar! What is it? Do you need to be entertained 24/7?? How is it even possible? A pyrotechnic spectacle daily in your backyard? What are you thinking life is about? You did because you wanted to, because you felt like it, it's just not possible that every single thing you did was done because you were bored and had nothing to do. Besides, if you did something it's because there was something to do after all, right? How did this thing come out of nowhere? And how can anyone be that bored all the time? How is it even possible? Jeez...



Uou, I'm even tired now and even had to translate all this from Portuguese. It was really tough. And I got annoyed again hahaha Jeez. Anyways, there are other 1000s of things that annoy me. These are just some of them. Will I have the guts to develop these thoughts here? Hahahaha ;)

Have a great week everyone. This is my last week in college for this semester and I have a ton of papers to write. I have no idea where I got the strength to write this enormous post.

p.s.: Just for the record: I'm not Muslim, nor Christian, nor Jewish. I have no religion. At least not one which other people belong to. But let's talk about this later. ^_^

Clique aqui para este post em português!

Monday, December 1, 2008

Chrono Trigger and the Weird Weather

Just a few days ago I restarted playing my dear Chrono Trigger for Snes. I just heard there will be a release for Nintendo DS. I can't wait, hope I'll have money for it. Chrono Trigger just makes me happy.



I think the first time I played it I was around 13 and it has been one of my favorite games ever since. I've been really down these past days, I caught a cold and I have far too many papers to write for school. The weather is scaring me around here. It's almost December and it's cold. Some of you might not get it, but it's almost summer here. Or at least it should be. I love cold weather, but when it's supposed to be cold! Hope the Apocalypse will take longer. I haven't finished Chrono Trigger for the 10th time yet! ^^

Will I survive those papers?

Tuesday, November 25, 2008

Feeling blessed

I was going to post about things that have been annoying me lately. I even wrote it down on a piece of paper, as I had no computer near me, so I could publish it here later.

But I won't do that today.

I'm so happy today. I felt like I was blessed somehow. And instead of a post full of rage (lol, ok, not really rage. Let's say "potentially negative") I decided to share with you my experience.

As I wrote last post, I had an accident. It wasn't really serious, but it surely could have been. I felt so stupid for hurting myself like that, for being careless. Accidents happen, I know. Still, it was hard. The doctor said that just a few inches and I would have lost the eyesight on my right eye. I would also have lost it in case I had not rushed to the hospital like I did. Nevertheless, I was so so grateful. I felt pain, headaches, felt stupid, ugly, sad. But so grateful that I could see. I pray everyday and since the accident I've been thanking so much for being so lucky. But that was not really the part I wanted to share.

Today my grandma went with me back to the hospital to remove the stitches. I was very nervous and I knew I would find very unpleasant when they removed the stitches. As I left the room with my grandma I felt so different. I realized how much the stitches were bothering me, how much it actually did hurt and I felt the immense relief. And at that moment I noticed how we take things for granted. We think we will always be healthy, that everything will always be there for us. Just the simple act of seeing is such a blessing. I felt so blessed, so lucky that nothing really happened. That I could still see perfectly, that I could just close my eyes without feeling uncomfortable. Just blinking normally... I never realized how wonderful it is. I sobbed at this realization. I know it may sound corny, but that’s really how I felt. ^_^

I was also amazed in how the eye is healing by itself so quickly. It got hurt, it was cut, and now it heals. What a wonderful and amazing thing the human body is!

God, thank you so much for this experience. Thank you for making me appreciate these things.
I’m very happy today. Really happy. ^_^

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Thursday, November 20, 2008

What to start writing about... and the tale of the hurting eye O_x

At first I felt like I should start this blog by telling a little about myself and my life story. Afterwards, I felt this would be very difficult to do without becoming either too long or too boring. I think I'll end up giving anyone at least a glance about myself as the blog goes on. I don't know. If I feel it is getting too confusing I might try to write about my life.

In fact, I would love to start writing about the things that bother me so much, the ones I told you in the first post I really needed to talk about in order to both feel better and organize my thoughts. I think my thoughts lack organization and this feature affects a deeper reflection about my thinking. Ok, I started sounding confusing. See? I need organization! =D

I also want to write about silly things. About things I like, enjoy doing...
But where do I start? I think I should just start. But there's so much to say, I'm confused. I could make a list of the things that have been bothering me the most lately. And I'll do it. But first, let me tell you about my right eye.

Yes, my right eye. Yesterday, trying to fix something around the house before leaving for school, I had a little accident. The screwdriver's handle ended up hurting my right eye. It was hurting a lot and soon I saw the blood. My first reaction was to try finding a hospital with an ophthalmological emergency that would accept my health insurance. As soon as I found one, I withdrew some money from the ATM, got a taxi and off I went. There, the doctor told me I would have to go through surgery and get some stitches. Stitches inside my eye. I almost fainted. I didn't even know that existed!
I was alone, so I called my stepdaddy. My mom would have had a heart attack, so I called him first. He came to meet me and soon I was going to surgery. No real anesthesia. I could see it all. I mean, there was no pain involved, but it was very uncomfortable. And the area I hate the most to touch is the eye. It wasn't a nice feeling.
Anyways, I went home looking like a pirate. Today I went to hospital again, this time with my mom. They removed the bandage and now I look like a B Horror Movie. My mom looked and got so scared. When I went to the mirror to see I almost cried. I know it will not look like this for long, and my vision is perfect again, thank God. But it's very scary. Really scary...
Next week I'll go back there to remove the stitches. My vision is fine, but it's still so uncomfortable, I can actually feel the stitches... I'm sad, to be honest. I thank God, however, that I'm fine and that I can see perfectly.

Ok, take care you all. I'll write again sooner than I did =D

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Thursday, November 13, 2008

The writing dilemma

I have no idea how many times have I tried to write a blog. I think I have had three blogs already, two in my native language and one in English. All failed, since I just never posted. I really have a writing issue that I still haven't been able to detect. At the same that I love writing and I hardly ever do it. It wasn't always so. Until I was about 16, I wrote a lot, short stories, poems, thoughts. And after that, for an unknown reason I just stopped. I have also always been a terrible letter/ email answerer and that also has a mysterious reason.

I decided I should give blogging a new chance. Lately, I have really felt the urge to write my thoughts, I feel that they are very disorganized and I need to put them on paper. So, why not just publish them? I have such a fear of that. I hate being judged, but above all, I hate being misunderstood. I really hate it. I've always registered blogs in different names, never really letting myself go, letting people know who I am and what I think. I have often kept my blogs in secret, not letting my friends read it nor let other people know it was me. (Ok, I will have a pen name for the blog, but people will know it is me at some point). Well, I'm getting older, I should just grow up. Yes, I'll tell you what I think. And for this reason, I will write this blog in my native language and in English, so I can get more people to read it. Not that many will. But still. I shouldn't be so scared. We can always change our minds and we can always learn from criticism. This is going to be a great exercise for my thinking.

Next post I'll tell you a little about myself, as I think my life experiences, which were quite interesting, really influenced a lot in what I thought then and what I think now. I'm looking forward to it. Will I have the courage? I sure hope so. :)

For the English speaking people: English is not my native tongue. I love English and I really want this challenge of writing my thoughts in my second language. Please forgive my grammar mistakes, terrible spelling and all that. Thanks! :)


NOTE: I just noticed that my old blog in English is still alive in blogspot. I'm surprised. I will leave it open and you can read it and see how I was doing almost 3 years ago. It will be interesting to me also to check it out :))
http://vorotarchik.blogspot.com


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Thursday, October 30, 2008